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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25476520">Redamancy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkDippedFingertips/pseuds/InkDippedFingertips'>InkDippedFingertips</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Somewhere Between Kansas and the Open Road [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode 12x02 Mama Mia, Established Relationship, Hurt Sam Winchester, Kissing, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Secret Relationship, Sibling Incest, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:16:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25476520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkDippedFingertips/pseuds/InkDippedFingertips</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam wasn't even sure if any of this was real.</p><p> </p><p>Sam/Dean Bingo: Angst (I5)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Somewhere Between Kansas and the Open Road [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698406</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Dean and Sam Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Redamancy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oof have some feels...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam could feel Dean’s gaze on him, piercing green eyes trying to grab his attention without a word, a sixth sense they’d had since they were children. He’d been watching for the better part of an hour now, sitting across the table from him, hand sitting in a loose fist, body turned toward Mary but his attention single-minded.</p><p>Conversation flowed smoothly, where it had, at first, been halted and uncertain. Mary’s expression twisted into confusion more often than not, eyes taking him and Dean in before going distant, likely with the memory of what they used to be. Sam understood, didn’t blame her for the way she stumbled over their names here and there, the way something like loss or grief flickered in her eyes.</p><p>Tonight, was emotional for everyone involved. If Sam wasn’t so exhausted and battling off a minefield of pain from that Bevell bitch, he’d be more inclined to play mediator. As it was, Sam stayed quiet, asked the occasional question, answered Mary’s, watched, on the few occasions Dean wasn’t looking at him, how they interacted.</p><p>If only there wasn’t so much more going on beneath the thin veneer of a reunited family. Sam had seen, in the brief glances he allowed himself, the torturous indecision in Dean’s eyes, the way he looked at Mary like she was a saint personally gifted from the heavens…which she kind of was. The only problem was that Sam could also see the guilt, one that was tearing at him with feral claws, the same guilt his brother hadn’t felt since they were teenagers.</p><p>What would Mary think if she knew her sons were soulmates? That they had consummated that claim both emotionally and physically since they were young?</p><p>Somehow, Sam thought that might actually be easier to hear then some of their other exploits through the years. Easier to believe than the fact that both her sons had lounged in Hell, had killed innocents with their bare hands, had been the catalyst for the very beings who thought they could destroy the world.</p><p>An incestuous relationship honestly paled in comparison to murder…at least in Sam’s mind. Shaking his head, a little, he tried to clear the morose thoughts. Everything still felt a little fuzzy since being locked up in that basement, playing with his mind was a sure way to keep him out of it.</p><p>If he was honest, Sam wasn’t entirely sure all this was real to begin with.</p><p>“Sammy?”</p><p>Finally meeting worried green eyes, Sam relaxed a little. Dean was alive and breathing and looking at him far too tenderly for what was supposed to be just brotherly love. He wanted to tell him to stop, to quit making it so obvious with their mother sitting barely three feet away from them.</p><p>Sam squeezed his hand hard. It didn’t bleed even though he insisted Castiel not heal that particular cut. Still the pain was enough to ground him in the here and now, to offer a shaky smile to his brother and his mom…it was difficult to even think the word, to shape his mind around the foreign sounds and feel something other than the aching hole in his heart.</p><p>“Alright little brother, I think it’s time we get you to bed.”</p><p>Sam eyed him, heard what he really said beneath the words. Time to talk Sammy, where mom can’t hear us. Dean was going to be mighty disappointed, he decided, because Sam wasn’t in any state to talk about how to reconcile Mary’s miraculous return with their relationship.</p><p>“I think that’s a good idea.”</p><p>Mary…his mom, smiled, her own eyes a little worried. He let her squeeze his shoulder as she walked past, heading toward her own room and he inhaled instinctively, eyes falling closed. Words had been exchanged but he couldn’t remember what…maybe he was right and none of this was real.</p><p>“Come on, let’s get you up.”</p><p>Strong calloused hands gripped his arm and Sam let himself be dragged up and out the chair, began the slow walk toward their room…he frowned, blinking groggily as he realized they were headed toward Dean’s room. Not their room, not until they talked everything through, which wasn’t going to happen tonight.</p><p>“My room,” Sam protested quietly. “Drop me off in my room.”</p><p>Dean paused. Was certainly looking at him again but Sam couldn’t meet that gaze, not right now, not while everything was still so messy. After a long moment, Dean kept walking, right past Sam’s room and toward his own.</p><p>Sam just sighed, accepted the inevitable.</p><p>Within minutes he was in Dean’s room and being lowered onto the too soft mattress, where he sat with his elbows on his knees, head heavy in his hands. Dean sat next to him, pressed tightly against his side without a bit of space between them. Sam was glad he couldn’t see his smile at that, at the proof this was physical and real.</p><p>“How you feelin’ Sam?”</p><p>The question was quiet and probing. Different to the one asked a few hours earlier, after Castiel had healed him, checking that all the physical evidence of his torture had been washed away. This one was asking about his mind and just as likely…about them.</p><p>“I’m managing Dean.”</p><p>His brother hummed, pressed a kiss to his temple in a rare show of tenderness that made Sam’s heart ache. A lot of shit had happened over the past few days, not just with Mary popping back into existence…but with Dean dying, Sam’s kidnapping, the world almost ending again.</p><p>Sam was exhausted.</p><p>“Sam, what do you want to do?” The words that slipped from Dean’s lips were as inevitable as the headsman’s axe, swift and piercing, a tinge of desperation on the end.</p><p>The question wasn’t fair, not when they were both in this relationship, so Sam’s answer wouldn’t be either, “whatever you want. If you want us to end it then fine, if you want to take a break and figure it out, okay, if you want to keep going…I want that too. If you want to keep it a secret or tell her, I’ll be there.”</p><p>It was them, the two of them since the very beginning. Whatever they were to each other, and they had been a lot of things over the years, they would still be by each other’s sides. Sam had survived worse things than a broken heart and so long as he got to have his brother, however way he was allowed, he’d be okay.</p><p>Dean’s hand came up and rested on his head, tugged lightly at his hair until Sam was finally forced to lift his head from his hands. He let another hand grip his chin and turn him to meet Dean’s eyes. There was no hesitation or uncertainty in those emerald eyes, even the fear and guilt from when they sat in front of their mother was gone,</p><p>A smirk slipped onto familiar lips and then Sam was being kissed for the first time since coming home and he felt something in his chest click into place. This wasn’t a dream or hallucination brought on by a drug or mental break. Dean’s heartbeat thrummed against his chest and his heat seared his skin in the way it always did.</p><p>Sam was home.</p><p>Dean was alive.</p><p>They were together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come yell your ideas into the void that is my inbox on tumblr.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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